What is Expected in my Future.

Seeing as how I'm into my 20s now, the topic of marriage and children is one that just appears frequently in my life now. I always seem to get entangled in a conversation about marriage and procreating, and I always get people who try and convince me that having kids and getting hitched is something that I'll desire when I'm older. For some apparent reason, it's ingrained into us that this is the one goal in life that tops every other goal we have. I kind of wince when people say "oh, when you have kids..."like it's something that's absolutely expected from me...from everyone around me!

Before I continue, I just want to point out something. This is all of my personal opinion about why I, personally, don't want these things in my life. I'm not saying that having kids is wrong. Or that marriage is wrong. It simply, isn't for me.

So why don't I want to get married? Why do I not want any children? 

Firstly the concept of marriage, to me, is quite archaic. I'd love to have a wedding without the marriage. I'd love to celebrate love, but getting married isn't about the ceremony or the celebration - it's a legally binding contract. I know more divorcees than I know married couples, I'll be honest. Sometimes it's sad, other times it's relieving, and sometimes your love changes. I would, however, would not like to take my chances and deal with the heartbreak, the expense, or anything else for that matter.

Most of all, and biggest of all... Yes, I'm 24 and no, that opinion will likely never change with age. Marriage is for some people; marriage isn't for me. Neither is having children of my own.

So, why no children, Rose?

I have a few medical issues that I really don't want to pass down. The big two being hypothyroidism/Hashimoto's disease and although [supposedly] not genetic, I'd rather not have a child of mine learn from myself any traits I portray of Bipolar Disorder (which, actually, is part of my thyroid issues, but still.) So really, it's not that I don't like children - in fact, I do quite like them; but to be fair, I don't want to introduce someone into a world where I know my faults will cause someone a great difficulty as I've had.

So there you have it folks. I won't die sad and lonely as many of you fear, I have a different view and I believe that I would be much happier this way. :)

On the Job.

Many of my friends now by now that I left my most recent job. I won't name the company, but those who know me, know where I have worked and why I had left. Practicing yoga has taught me one of the most important values that I feel that I always knew, but needed to exercise more; getting rid of the toxic things in your life. It had become apparent that I was no longer happy at my job and I admit that I was very sad to go. I loved my regular customers who I had come to know for the last three years and although my coworkers came as quickly as they went, I made lifelong friendships with many of them.

My work had impacted me, inspired me to pursue my own dream, but I honestly felt that I could have left on better terms. Not saying that I made a scene and ran out the door, but I feel that issues within my workplace could have been handled better. Most long-term employees who want to leave their work mostly leave due to issues with their management or immediate supervisors and I can't help but feel that this was the reason as to why I had left.

As I said before, I had learned that I really did not need the poison in my life. Like many people, I dislike being lied to, gossiped about, bullied and manipulated. I had tolerated it for so long, that I made the drastic decision to leave this job without finding another to immediately replace it. And it's sad. It's SO sad.

Life goes on, however. I have nothing but a sense of relief that I don't have to deal with that anymore and embrace this challenge. I'm broke, unemployed, looking for new work but I can say I sleep better.

And if anyone is looking for a very hard-working employee with a stunning smile and personality...

On Having a Vagina.

Vancouver High School Students Protesting Gentlemen's Club

(Fact: I really like the elderly lady at the end of this video.)
This protest has stirred a pot in women's rights issues in Vancouver. I recently saw a post about this protest on Reddit and decided to throw my two cents in.

I understand that these students and their teacher have a particularly strong opinion about how women should be treated. Women in this particular era (particularly in First World countries) have been treated the best than they have ever been, BUT there are some definite issues involving the right's of women that need to be addressed still.

For example, The New Delhi Gang Rape that resulted in a woman dead and sparked outrage and violent protests. I use this large-scale issue against this small local Vancouver protest to compare their opinions and views.

First and foremost, let's dive into history and take a look at Women's suffrage. For those who don't understand what that term means, it's the right for women to vote and to run for office. Why did I bring this up? Well, because it's a prime example of giving someone choices. The option of even having a choice is pretty amazing. I like having choices! Don't you enjoy having choices? Everyone loves their right to a choice.

So what choices does the average, female exotic dancer have? The same choices that anyone has. And despite cliches and misconceptions, they aren't prostitutes or disobeying the law in any way. They aren't forced to dance for the men who walk in there. They aren't forced to have sex with them. In fact, many women who are doing this as a profession walk in wanting to dance. Why? Because expression of your sexuality is empowering.

I don't know a lot of women who are comfortable in their bodies let alone comfortable to let a group of people see them naked. You have to have a lot of guts to just let every person see you as you are. A few friends of mine are actually nude models for art classes... they strip down to their nudies and get drawn. Oh and did I mention that sometimes these drawings get posted around the school where they work? The difference between their profession and that of a dancer in a gentlemen's club is that they're there as an educational tool, but they too, were given the choice to be nude infront of a group of people. And quite frankly, no one has tried to picket this educational institution yet.

You could argue that I'm comparing nude modelling with sexualized dancing, but quite frankly, it's a pretty fair comparison considering my roommate is a model at the school and that rules and standards are set in place for her safety. Much like how rules and standards are set in place with most gentlemen's clubs. And that's why the women who work there feel safe doing what they do, why they made a conscious choice to do it and why the "Social Justice" class being taught in this Vancouver high school is wrong. Asides from the fact that they didn't even contact the venue and their entire argument is one-sided.

With that, why aren't these students doing something meaningful for social justice? The picket itself only allows and encourages whole mentality of WHY women aren't treated as victims but as the source of the criminal problem in the form of "she was asking for it!" Perhaps if those students were taught that this mentality is a part of why there's such a high rate of sexual abuse among women than they instead would be asking for donations for their local woman's shelter. Or perhaps petitioning for better education about sexual abuse, or against their local politicians about how they handle victim's cases.

Quite frankly, if they really wanted to look into the issue that they were diving into, they should have educated themselves about the New Delhi gang rape and the protests that were so heavily reported in the media. Although the protests themselves became rather violent and erupted in riot, what prompted the protest is relevant to what the Vancouver students are protesting.

What am I getting at? Women shouldn't be objectified, no, but they should have the choice to dress, earn an honest living and live free from fear of abuse. The choice to whether we should harm another human being or leave them be is a conscious choice. People aren't mind-controlled into raping other people. We should be telling our children that even though that person has made the choice to wear that skirt that we should still respect them and leave them alone with that choice. They don't deserve any ill treatment just because of what they do.

So, to end this huge blog post off... we all have choices, and we all need to make wise ones. It's not about our job description or what kind of clothing is draped over us, but how we want to be treated and how we want to treat others.

R.

New Beginnings on a Clean Slate.

Happy New Year, my gentle reader(s).

A new year usually brings in people sharing what their personal goals are now that they believe that they have a fresh, clean slate to work on. I guess in a way, I'm really not that different from everyone else. I too, have some goals I wish to see fulfilled. There are people who don't believe in New Years resolutions and understandably. I don't necessarily believe in having resolutions to fulfill in a year's time, but rather, in my lifetime.

I believe that everyone should aspire to better themselves every day and improve upon their lives without the notion that they're given a new beginning. Your beginning happened when you were born and it's completely up to you on how you want to treat yourself.

With that being said, my list of LIFELONG resolutions, in a nutshell:

• I want to become a more patient and tolerant human being. Sometimes I get irritated (especially working in a customer service job) too easily and don't remember that someone on the other end could also be having an awful day.
• Respect myself. Sometimes I pick apart my art, my writing, my body and I treat it badly by binging on things that I know that are terrible for me. I want to respect myself not only mentally, but physically. I need to stop beating myself up over mistakes and also be conscious of what my body needs from me.
• Stop struggling with money. This one is the toughest... I have a lot of student debt to pay off and I want to continue my education. However, education is expensive and I want to be able to leave school knowing that if I don't find a job in my field right away, that I still won't have to worry about these dollar signs hanging over my head like a dark cloud.

If a year is what you need to succeed in goals that will benefit you for the rest of your life, by all means, take it. I'm not sure how long it will be until I succeed in my goals, but I will for the most part, continue to try and better myself every single day that I'm breathing.

Torn Between Worlds.

Seeing as I'm on a holiday vacation back in my hometown, I've made it a point to visit some of my closest friends and family. It seems that every time I return I'm always given the question of whether I've chosen to remain in Ontario or if I'll ever return to Alberta.

The truth is, my life has taken me on many journeys and I haven't decided on where I want to settle. I think I'm a bit young to be thinking like that. I mean, sure, if I was completely on my ass and my only option was to move back to my parent's home, then of course I would do that. I miss my family, my dogs and my very good friends a lot when I'm gone but that doesn't mean that I haven't established close relationships elsewhere.

I had lived in Calgary for a good, solid 20 years and I have made some of the best connections I will ever make. I've lived in Ontario for 4 years and I'm growing, learning and doing a lot of things that I probably never would have had the opportunity to do in Alberta. I've also become really good friends with certain people and consider some of the friendships I've made lifelong relationships.

It's hard making that decision and being torn between two places where I've grown and evolved. Even then, these two places aren't my only options for future settlement either. I'm glad and overwhelmed however by the amount of love and support that my friends from both ends of the country have given me. It's uplifting to know that people really care about you and want you around!

One thing about being torn between these two worlds is definitely how grateful I am about how advanced our technology has become. It doesn't matter what city, which part of the country or even if I'm in a different part of the world I'm in; technology and social networking has ensured that my relationships don't fall of the wagon and that I can continue to maintain my communications with everyone I know and love. 

On Dogs and Death

Anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely love dogs and that I especially could not wait until I got to see my pups during my trip to Calgary to visit family and friends. When I first moved to Ontario the only thing I really was upset by was leaving my three wonderful companions behind who, always, greeted me happily every day. With that in mind, I didn't really expect that this trip would be the last time that Nicky would greet me at the gate and lick my hand. It's almost eerie how he held on until I came back just so he could tell me hello...and goodbye.

Nicky was one of the craftiest, smartest dogs I knew. He had a way around everything and would like to go on adventures. He'd always find a way to jump the fence or dig under it just so he could play with the neighbourhood dogs. You would have never imagined that he was as old as he was as he was always spry, youthful and playful as a puppy.

The worst part of this ordeal is that we adopted Nicky very close to when we adopted another dog, Cleo. They grew up together and were inseparable and you can only imagine the heartbreak that Cleo is going through without her brother. I'm doing what I can for her - keeping her company, but no one's cried more than she did.

Losing Nicky... it's a big loss for our family. In the end, I'm happy that I was able to spend most of his life with him and that I could see him before he finally passed away. I'll always love him and the way he would jump on me and knock me over.

Rest In Peace.

Who, What, When, Where, Why?

This video is one of the most powerful videos I've ever watched. It's one that speaks to me so loudly - it's fresh, creative, and it sums up that one word so wonderfully. I'm known not to be a very emotional person and I admit that I don't cry much, but this video has a profound effect on me. I get a little glassy-eyed.

I think everyone has those five people. I certainly have had a Who, What, When, Where and Why. Although my story, as all stories, greatly differ from the one portrayed in this video, I can't help to reflect on my previous relationships and how they've affected my life.

I have some amazing memories and some bad ones. I've hurt some really good people and I've been hurt. But every single person has taught me something different about love and mostly, about myself. I don't think I'll ever be the same girl I ever was but at the same time, that girl never really leaves...

...You could say that When I loved were the first moments - my naivety. My first kiss happened when I chased a boy around the school playground. Being a child is freedom and as an adult, I feel lost sometimes and wonder what happened to that girl who chased that boy. I just went for it without a second thought. When I loved was a time where daydreams of childhood crushes, love and innocence were in full bloom.

Who I loved? Someone who was close to me. Someone who I consider still to be very close even though the distance stretched far. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, and it can be true... However the worst of it is when your heart aches so much when that person is hurting and you just can't be there. I can certainly say that distance is not Where I loved.

Where I loved is difficult for me. I fall in love with new places and experiences. But I have to say that Where is a home. Not all love has to be romantic or just between two people. Where is the place I will always have and can always go back to. Whether it's this bedroom in this tiny apartment with two of my closest friends or across the country in my parent's house with my dogs. Where is a place that is always warm.

What I loved is probably the only only one person I have related to this video I've shared with you all. The person who I really cared for, who has always been there for me, comforted me through the hardest of times. I remember a dark place in my life and telling What I loved how alone I felt, to which they replied "I love you... isn't that enough?" Nothin had touched me or opened my eyes so much than those words but like this video, no matter how much we cared for each other, it was never quite enough for us to leave those we were with behind.

With everything said in this simple entry, I can't leave out Why. So much could be said here. Why do you love? I was close to losing my life once. Why I love is every friend, family and lover I have, had, or will have. Why I love is every single person in my life. But if I were to narrow this category down... Why is the person I feel like I hurt the most. It taught me a really true lesson that I needed to be a better person. Not only did I really need to be a better person to those around me but I really needed to become a better person to myself too. Why taught me that even though I was a teenager, I was still responsible for my actions. Why taught me that if I wanted love, that I needed to learn how to love myself. How will you know how to love another person if you can't find love for yourself first, after all?

I haven't found the Last yet. I'm not in any hurry, either. People will come and go from my life and the lessons will remain. One day, I'll find the Last and even then, the journey will continue...